Will the REAL B.I.T.C.H. please stand up!
By Tami Roman
I watched the BBW finale episode twice this week and thought about all that went down. Man…there are a couple of things that I want to address before I get to the heart of this blog. First, I am so glad that I do NOT smoke anymore. I really looked at myself and geez that was so unattractive. Second, I HATED that short haircut! If I EVER, in this lifetime suggest that I might even be thinking of doing that look again, SMACK me – real hard LOL.
OK, down to business…so I watched the episode and I want to be clear about a few things…
I liked Evelyn. Yes, I honestly did enjoy being around her and all of the girls for that matter. They all taught me something about myself in their own way. Just as I hope, I brought some things to life for them. I am not going to say that we are “best friends” because that would be a lie and I do not use the word “friend” lightly. Although, I did feel we were all cool.
The issue about her sleeping with Kenny, I really did not care about that. I was more hurt by the fact that she did not feel comfortable enough to tell me before that moment or even OFF camera. We did not hang out together like ace boon coons (damn that is an old phrase LOL) but we were around each other enough that she should have been honest with me. I honestly thought we were working towards becoming friends and to hold onto something like that really bothered me.
Anyhoo, as I sat there trying to explain how hurt I was by all of it, she kept saying, “Well it is what it is” – that just did not sit well with me. I felt she should have more empathy and humility in bringing this to me. Even with that, I could have gotten past this moment, but as the discussion escalated she got more bravado and boisterous with me. I thought this was out of pocket because in my eyes, you were the one that was wrong. I did not know you from a can of paint when I came into this situation, but you knew who I was and who I had been married to. You told me about the mistress the first time I met you and just like you told her business, you should have been upfront about yours. This is how I felt. Although, as I said, I could have gotten past this moment. It was the “You were a non factor BITCH” comment that sent me over the edge. All I thought was, no she did not just betray me AND call me out of my name. I lost all control…
As I watched the episode for the second time, I thought to myself, she called me a bitch. Why did this push me to the point of putting my hands on this woman? What is it about that word that causes so many of us to lose it? Then I realized that this word is associated with so many negative connotations.
Usually the word ” bitch ” is associated with a woman who lacks self-respect, integrity, morals, and respect for others. It is used to slander someone and degrade them. It is a profane way to express anger when you cannot articulate yourself properly. Men use it as a derogatory way to categorize women who they feel have mistreated them, used them, cheated on them or downright abused them. This particular word is a way of calling a woman the lowest of the low.
Even women in business are identified as ” bitches ” when they exude power. It is quite sad that if a woman is articulate, intelligent, no nonsense, authoritative, brutally honest and demands respect; she is not viewed as a “power player” , but a bitch. If you analyze the many negative ways this word is used, you would certainly be offended by being called one.
I on the other hand have decided to put my own spin on the word. I choose not to relate the negative stereotype with the word. After all, I cannot fly off the deep end every time I hear it. So me and my friend came up with an acronym for the word that I can live with LOL. Something that is reflective of me and my personality. B.I.T.C.H. – Believing In Total and Complete Honesty. That is definitely me! This acronym is reflective of the person I have become. I have traveled a long journey and my willingness to be open and truthful have aided me along the way. I pride myself on keeping it 100 all the time! People always want the truth, but they cannot always handle it. They often consider me to be a “bitch” because of my honesty and realness. To this I say, “Yes, I am a B.I.T.C.H., you should want to be one too. ”
Listen, I have lived 40 long hard years. I have been through so many trials and tribulations that have afforded me wisdom. At this stage of the game, I have nothing to prove and I only have to please myself. I will not allow anyone to alter my happiness nor will I allow ANYONE to disrespect me or not give me the things I believe I deserve. My strength is a part of my makeup at this age – my honesty and truthfulness is the only way I know how to be.
That is why I think so many of you relate to me because I am representative of everyday people. I am a single mother w/baby daddy issues, I get up and ride the train/bus to go to work like you do and I have my own flaws that I am working through-just like you. I have been up, down and standing in the middle now. I do not put on heirs or pretend to be something that I am not. I am just me – whether you like me or not, you have to respect my honesty. I can deliver the truth seriously, comically, spiritually and sometimes “tipsy” – but the truth is what you are going to get.
In order to be a true representative of Christ and try to help people, you have to be someone that people can relate to, understand, and listen to. You have to meet people where they are. I often say, you can not be so heavenly that you are NO earthly good…God cannot use you. I definitely want God to use me to inspire, encourage and enlighten. That is not by my being perfect, but by my showing my flaws and overcoming them through hope, prayer and faith. We are all going to make mistakes, I am just putting mine out there for the world to see me work through them. Through me, I hope you will come to know that Gods grace, mercy and favor endureth forever. This B.I.T.C.H. is a living testimony.
Just remember that being a real B.I.T.C.H. means your honesty and truth come from a place of love. I offer the truth to counsel, advise, share, enlighten and encourage. I offer my truth because I am not ashamed of it – all of the things I have gone through make me the person that I am today. I expect to be told the truth for the same reasons. God wanted me to travel this journey and I embrace it because I know that by my openness, I will help someone else. However, if you are being mean, spiteful, vindictive, manipulative with a version of the truth and trying to deliberately hurt someone – I do NOT stand behind that and you have ventured away from the acronym meaning and head first into the meaning I spoke of above.
Finally I say, if you running around claiming and professing to be ” real ” then be that ALL THE TIME, not when it is convenient. People have to be able to trust you and stand on your word. They need to know that not only can you “check”, but be checked. Being fake shows that you do not love yourself enough to stake your life on the truth. Will the real B.I.T.C.Hes please stand up!
” The truth, having nothing to fear, must be pursued relentlessly in every discipline “, is a quote from the Pepperdine Law School mission statement. It speaks volumes of how important the truth is in all aspects of our lives.
Keep a lookout for my book The B.I.T.C.H. Chronicles coming soon – so excited J
S/O to all the real B.I.T.C.Hes: Sandra Bernhard, Roseanne Barr, NeNe Leakes, Rosie O’Donnell, Joan Rivers, Chanita Foster, Dawn Nuefeld, Royce Reed, MuthaKnows, Laura Fogelman, Philana Boles, Mrs. Bridges, CosmoShek, MeccafromUptown, Patrice, Karla Lawrence, Shauna, Beverly Simmons, Tionna Smalls, Reagan Gomez, Wendy Williams, Lorna M., Koffee, Kim Ogletree, Mrs. Powell, Tamara, Angie McAlpine, T. Angie, Herlinda Boswell, Candice Reese, Tracy Blanchard, Yvette, Sydney Chase, Monique Gooden, Zena Benjamin, Alexandria Young and many more…