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Category Archives: Ask L.I.M.E.

Ask L.I.M.E : Should I Cheat On My Man?

 

Hey LIME,

I thought I’d hit you up for some advice. My man and I have been together for 4 yrs. In the beginning, our sexual chemistry was off the chain. We weren’t rabbits or anything, but we got it in. Now it’s like pulling teeth to get him to touch me. I have tried a bunch of things to spice up our sexless relationship. I even offered to have a threesome, yes I did that.

We haven’t had sex in like 2 months, which is odd for us. I don’t know if he’s getting it somewhere else, but I’m at the point where my loins need it. I’m thinking about finding a side dude just fulfill my needs.

What do you think? Should I step out on him?

Thanks
Xoxoxo

 

Hey,

Thanks for writing. Your letter didn’t say whether or not other issues exist in the relationship, so I assume everything else is good. Being that you two haven’t been intimate in two months, it raises an eyebrow. Sex isn’t the be-all and end-all of a relationship, but when a sexually active couple stops being active then something is up. Has your man’s behavior changed at all? Did something drastic occur after the last time you two had sex? Is he stressed at work? Has his appearance changed?
I ask these questions because your man could be going through something and instead of talking about it, he’s been keeping it to himself. I don’t want to say your guy is being unfaithful, because I don’t know him, but I would pay attention to his behavior. There are always signs when a man/woman is being unfaithful. If you haven’t vocalized your thoughts on this matter with him, I’d strongly suggest that you do. You guys have been together for 4 years, so having this kind of conversation is important if you think the relationship is worth saving.

I would never encourage or advocate cheating. If you have exercised all of your options and nothing has changed, then it would be better to move on rather than cheat. I’d also suggest never allowing a third person in your relationship for the sake of appeasing your partner, the results could be disastrous. I hope I helped.

Best,

L.I.M.E.

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Ask L.I.M.E. – He Took Me To Friday’s For Our First Date & Now I’m Turned Off

Lime,

Let me preface this by saying I’m not a goldigger. I went on a date with a guy a few days ago that i met thru a friend. Before the date he asked me where i wanted 2 go. I told him it didn’t matter which was a mistake. So the day before our date he tells me he’s taking me somewhere special so dress nice. Im like cool. So i get all dolled up, you know looking fly.

So he picks me up and we’re chatting it up in the car. I ask him where we going and he says we’re almost there. Next thing you know we’re in front of Fridays. So i’m think he’s kidding since he told me to dress nice. But no, he parks the car and comes over 2 my side to open my door. I get out and i’m still thinking this cat is joking. Who tells a woman to dress nice for Fridays, like where dey do that at??? So we walk in and its a friday night so u know there’s a bunch of bebe’s kids in the joint. Not to mention the damn floor was sticky as hell!! We eventually get seated and of course we’re next to these loud ass college kids.

I was too through, but i kept it cute. The food wasnt even good and most of the time i couldn’t hear him over the loud people around us. We finished our food and i told him i wasnt feeling too well so he’d take me home cuz there was no way he was getting any. I’m not high maintenance but this cat has a very good job and our phone conversations were always on point. He’s a really good dude. Maybe I shouldnt have left the planning to him. But what grown ass man takes a woman to Fridays for a ‘classy’ dinner. Aren’t I worth more than that? I mean damn I woulda been happier at McDonalds. He seem so oblivious to the fact that I was pissed off and annoyed! The whole date left a bad taste in my mouth, it turned me off and I don’t know if I want to see him again. Would you drop him if u were me?

Signed,
Confused as hell!!

Dear Confused as hell,

First and foremost, a date or how much money a man spends on you does not determine your worth. There are plenty of men out there who will buy a woman anything they want and then turn around & cheat on them or treat them poorly. Always pay attention to the little things a guy does and how he treats you as a person.

I would honestly have to say that some of the fault falls on you. He did ask you where you wanted to go and who knows, maybe if you suggested a five-star restaurant he might have taken you there. By him asking you where you wanted to go, he was taking your needs into consideration. One thing we women tend to do is not speak up about what we want and then when we get the opposite, we get upset.

Now I don’t quite understand him asking you to dress nice for a eatery like Friday’s, but he might have had something else planned for after dinner, but since you asked him to take you home you never found out. Depending on the guy, some men don’t go all out for a woman unless they know she’s a ‘sure thing,’ but we can dismiss that since he once again asked you where you wanted to go. I know first impressions are lasting, but think of it this way he impressed you enough for you to agree to see him.

I assume that there were no issues prior to this date and you enjoyed speaking with him. It really just seems like you two got off on the wrong foot. I would suggest being more vocal next time around about where you’d like to go and what you’d like to do. You could also take the horse by the reigns and set the date up. Test the waters again and see what he does the second time around.  Don’t let a good guy slip away, there will be plenty of other women willing to grab him up.

Xoxoxo,

L.I.M.E.

Ask L.I.M.E – I Went Through His Phone, Should I Tell Him?

Hey girl. I’ll try & make this short. My bf I were chillin at my crib last weekend. I drove him home later on & after I dropped him off I saw he left his phone in my car.

Yes this is going exactly where you think it is. I couldn’t help myself & I went through his phone. I don’t regret it either bc I this **** had several naked pictures of some chick in his phone AND I saw some recent sexual convos he had been having with some ****. I guess he realized I had his phone & called me asking me if I could bring it.

I played it cool even though I wanted to smack him and brought him his phone. I probably shouldn’t of checked his phone but I had a feelin this **** was creeping. Now I’m wondering if I should confront him or just drop him?

Sincerely
“Jess”

Hi Jess,
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I could only imagine what’s going through your mind right now. I understand your curiosity got the best of you, but sometimes when we going looking for stuff, we end up seeing more than we bargained for.

That being said, if you confront him he might do a few things. He may say you’re overreacting and the girl(s) mean nothing to him, he may even flip things around and place the blame completely on you, citing that you invaded his privacy & it will be hard to trust you from that point forward, you know reverse psychology to move the target from him to you.

He could also possibly admit to everything and try to apologize. It really comes down to if you feel the relationship is worth saving. There is no telling what the truth behind those pictures and texts will reveal But one thing is true, and that is he doesn’t respect or value you as a person & a partner. For some people, seeing what you saw would be an instant deal breaker.

I’m not sure how long you two have been together, but it’s obvious that even if he isn’t physically cheating, he’s still engaging in behavior that isn’t appropriate for a man who is taken. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve.

Keep in mind that if you do decide to stay with him, chances are you will be inclined to watch his every move or even snoop again. A relationship without trust isn’t really a relationship at all.

Xoxoxo,

L.I.M.E.

If you have a question or letter you want featured on L.I.M.E., please send an e-mail to Info[at]LivelyIndepthMusicEnt.com. All letters will remain anonymous. Anyone who sends in a question will be given a fake name.

Ask L.I.M.E. : My Man Doesn’t Want Us To Use Condoms Anymore

Hi L.I.M.E.

I sorta need some advice. I enjoy reading your blog and hope that maybe you can help? I’ve been with my man for 4 months now (we’ve known one another for 2 years). Things started off slow and we didn’t have sex until a few weeks ago. Last night he brought up the idea of us not using condoms. He says they’re uncomfortable. I told him I’d think it over, but I am not too sure n the idea makes me uncomfortable. He says he’s clean and doesn’t have anything and I do believe him. I’m not on birth control and I reallllllllly can’t afford to get pregnant. I love my dude, and want to make him happy but I am not sure if the whole no condom thing is cool. What do you think I should do or say to him? Thanks for reading.

“Toya”

Hey Toya,

Thanks for writing and for supporting my blog. I’d be more than happy to try to help. First things first, never do anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Also, never allow anyone to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do, not saying he is but for future reference. Now you said he said he was clean and please don’t take offense to this. But some people will just say they are clean for the sake of saying so. The only way to know for certain that your mate is 100% clean, is to go get tested together, this way you both know your status. Someone’s word is not worth your life. I understand wanting to make your man happy, but you need to be happy & SAFE as well. Just as your man sat you down and vocalized his thoughts, you need to do the same thing as well. If using condoms makes you feel safe, then continue to do so. Don’t compromise your beliefs, thoughts, wants for someone else. In this day and age when STDs run rampant, you need to take the necessary measures to protect yourself. I’m not sure if you aren’t on bc for medical reasons, but I would recommend talking to your doctor about that option as well. I always tell my female friends to not rely on a guy for protection. There are dozens of routes for us women to take to protect ourselves. Your OBGYN will be more than happy to guide you in the right direction to finding what method of protection would be best for you. I hope I helped you in some way, please let me know what happens.

Xoxoxo
L.I.M.E.

If you have a question or letter you want featured on L.I.M.E., please send an e-mail to Info[at]LivelyIndepthMusicEnt.com. All letters will remain anonymous. Anyone who sends in a question will be given a fake name.

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